Proctorio’s awful reviews disappear down the memory hole

Ian Linkletter saved the receipts.

Remember Proctorio? They’re the “remote proctoring” company that boomed during the pandemic by promising that they could stop exam cheating through gross, discriminatory privacy invasions and snake-oil machine learning.

In case you’ve lost the thread (it’s been a minute), Proctorio is a tool that transforms students’ personal computers into surveillance tools.

For example, when you sit down, you have to use your webcam to give a remote party a tour of your room. If you live in crowded conditions (say, in a one-room flat with an “essential worker” who works night shifts), you can get failed before you even start.

Got kids? Better get ’em used to LARPing Flowers in the Attic (or, you know, The Diary of Anne Frank) because their crying or talking can also flunk you. Shhh, the robots are judging Mummy.

Homeless? Studying from a library? Getting your broadband in a car in a Taco Bell parking lot? You just failed.

But say you can find a private, silent room to sit your exam in. Do you look up or stare into space while you think? Do you sometimes whisper to yourself as you try to work out complicated ideas?